Funny quotes

Quotes about marriage  

1. “If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota

2. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

3. “Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman

4. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” —Phyllis Diller

5. “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart

6. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” —Jim Carrey

10. “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck

12. “Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.”—Kate Davis

13. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller